Remembering.

“The only thing i would ask is that you remember us.” -Estaire

As the words of this woman reached my ears, i knew at once that God was speaking to me. i was at Damien House, on of Rostro de Cristo´s partner foundations here in Guayaquil that works with patients who have Hansen´s disease: one of the diseases described in the bible as “leprosy”. Estaire´s call to the retreat group i was leading that day was so fitting for a group of patients who had been so forgotten in their lives because of the stigmas around leprosy: these people´s families and friends often abandon them, treating them as if they never existed, and forcing them to deal with the disease on their own. Culture shuns them, because it is extremely uncomfortable to shake the hands of men whose hands are curled into things more like stubs than functional body parts; it is extremely uncomfortable to greet with a kiss women whose faces are distorted. Even the government is trying to shut down Damien House, the only safe space that these patients with Hansen´s have here in Ecuador, because the current administration is opposed to the independence of the foundations of Ecuador from governmental work. In short, Estaire´s words were that those who are forgotten should be remembered. 

God has shown me that it isn´t just the sick that we forget, it is the poor, the homeless, the naked, the drunkards, the prisoners, the hungry and the thirsty, and those who we have judged unchangeable. The craziest thing is that Jesus was poor, was homeless, was stripped naked at the cross, was labeled a “drunkard” and a “glutton” along with sinners, was thirsty at the well in Samaria, and hungry when he fasted in the desert. And his words in Matthew 25:40 that we love to remember are: “As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” But we hate to have to quote what he says after that, because it reminds us that we are broken - that we forget. He says, “As you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” 

If the past nine months has taught me anything, it is that Jesus is in the poor and the oppressed, suffering with the poor and oppressed, and gives his favor to the poor and oppressed. Just check out the beatitudes. But when Estaire said what she said, God reminded me that i´ve met so many this year who suffer, who are poor, who have been threatened with homelessness and nakedness, who are hungry and who are sick. And he spoke to me something that hurt, but was his gentle reminder of the truth: “When you forget them, you forget me.” 

God calls his followers to remember him over and over again in the Bible. In Exodus, God tells Moses his name, but also a whole lot more about his nature: I AM WHO I AM. Immediately following this he says, “Thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.” From this point on, the scribes who wrote down the name of the Lord in the Hebrew texts remembered their God by washing their hands before and after writing the sacred name of God (which, you´ll find, is extremely often - every time the word “LORD” is capitalized signifies YHWH, or “I AM WHO I AM”). They remembered the holiness of God and the covenants he made with Moses in the time of the Exodus upon each occurrence of his name! And to the reader of the Old Testament, it is almost impossible to forget what God did for the Isrealites in Egypt, and how his nature is caught up in his name, because he´s constantly pointing it out. i´m reading through Leviticus now and i´ve realized that after each set of laws God says something like, “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt.” Over and over again throughout the Bible he says it - you´d think we´d get the picture and remember  him and his promises for us for eternity. 

Which brings me to Psalms. Psalm 119, over and over again, meditates upon and remembers the Word of God, remembering his promises and commands. In verse 93, the psalmist writes, “i will never forget your precepts, for by them you have given me life.” Remembering the way that he sets before us is the only thing that truly brings us life.

Jonah experienced this after he fled from God´s call, truing to forget the word that God had given him. But even he, form the belly of the great fish, remembers God and says upon his immanent peril, “When my life was fainting away, i remembered the LORD (notice caps!) and my prayer came to you” (2:7). Jonah, upon his remembrance of God, regains his faith and knows that God will hear him and rescue. 

And even into the New Testament, the remembering of God´s work, his Word, and his name continues. Peter and Stephen preach remembrance of God in Acts 2 and 7. But their audiences weren´t up for the task of remembering God´s works and his Word, and hence stoned Stephen to death. 

All of this comes together in the importance of one of Christ´s specific calls to us as the Church, and it has been illustrated to me especially strongly in one of my best friends here, Damian. He leads many things in the parish here - the music ministry, the youth group, and much of the catechistic formation - but my favorite thing about him is his passion for Jesus. We have had many three-hour deep conversations about God and Faith, and we oftern discuss why the catholic and protestant churches suffer from such deep divisions today. Over and over, he restores my hope in the seemingly rigid traditions of the catholic church, which, he explains, are forms of remembering God so that we don´t end up forgetting important things that God has done for us or taught us in the past or promised for us in the future. Amidst my worries about authority and idolatry, i can breathe a small sigh of relief. 

But Christ´s call to us as the Church is not to tradition - it is to remembrance. The most important sacrament of the catholic church, the Eucharist, is not meant to be a mere tradition, for tradition can become empty and mechanical; it can become a mere going-through-the-motions. Christ´s call to us in the Eucharist is to heartfelt remembrance - to total recognition of what he´s done, to pure gratefulness, to newfound humility in his work on the cross, and ultimately to a response of action because of the remembrance. Remembrance, according to Jesus, is active: “Do this in remembrance of me.” 

Jesus calls us to remember him. Damian has pointed out to me that many protestants, especially here in Ecuador, fail to celebrate the Eucharist, which is the greatest celebration of remembrance that humanity knows: the remembrance of our salvation because of his great love for us. Do we remember God´s work and word? Do we remember his name and nature? Do we celebrate the Eucharist as God intended it to be celebrated?

Jesus calls us to remember him. My neighbors here have exposed my greatest fear in regard to the next stage of my life: they´ve begun to ask me whether i will forget about them when i leave Ecuador. They´ve made me wonder and realize how often i forget the poor - how often i forget Jesus. Do we remember the poor, sick, hungry, naked, imprisoned, hurting, and abandoned in our prayers? Do we remember them in the way we make decisions about what we buy, what we need, and where we give our time? Do we celebrate the Eucharist as God intended it to be celebrated?

And how do we celebrate the Eucharist, because as we´ve seen, remembrance is active. If we just take communion every Sunday, we are not experiencing the fullness of what it is to commune with God in Jesus. In commune-ing with Jesus, we must commune with the least of these. Remembrance is only acheived when it comes in the form of active remembrance of the least of these. We will only be able to partake in what it is to remember Jesus when we take his body into our own, when we drink his blood so that it becomes our own. The ACTION in remembrance by faith in his word and work is what brings us into communion with Christ. In the same way, our actions (by faith in his word and works), in remembrance of the poor, the sick, the imprisoned, the naked, the hungry, and the thirsty are the only things that will bring us into communion with the least of these, and therefore with God.

So when we buy groceries, do we remember them? When we walk into our homes, do we remember them? When we take a shower, turn on the lights, walk through clean, paved streets, do we remember them? Weh we earn enough money to keep our family out of poverty, do we remember them? When we get a hug from our mom, do we remember those whose moms have never hugged them but only hit them? And how often do we remember them? Do we just remember them whenever we see that friend or ours who is really into social justice? Do we only remember them when our church starts to focus on missions once again? Do we only remember them when we come together with others who also have a passion for the oppressed? Or do we guard them in our hearts, keeping them in our sight always, remembering the lessons we learned from God through them daily? And do we remember them through our actions, in a way that is beyond a mentality - beyond even a conviction of the heart - in a way that allows us to be changed forever? 

Because when we remember them, we remember him, and that is both their greatest wish and his hightest hope.

2 weeks ago  Notes (3)

Repentance, Unity, and Communion

Although it´s been ages since i´ve written a blog update, i am more convinced than ever that Ecuador is where i am supposed to be. In mid-December, i went through a struggling period of realizing i was so focused on living the life i had lived prior to being sent to Ecuador that i wasn´t allowing God to mold me; i was refusing to let him make me new, and renewal is something we humans will always need but also something God will always give. In short, i wasn´t living as the diligent disciple of Jesus that God wanted me to be here in Ecuador, because i was so focused on holding onto the person i was prior to arriving here. God confronted me and let me know that i wasn´t being as present to the people of Mount Sinai as he wanted me to be, and showed me practical ways in which i could invest HERE and NOW in the lives of the people he has placed in my daily life. i, being eager to seek his will and live within it, got straight to it, resolving to work towards thriving here and now, where God has me. Here were some of the things he spoke to me:


All of those words from God (and many more) i began to focus on daily, so that i could be living out my call here and now; so that i could be present to those here with the presence of God which is faithful to be present to me. Por eso, i haven´t blogged in quite awhile, and i´ve been M.I.A. on the internet as well. My apologies. Still, i´m grateful God convicted me to be a man with a heart that is soft to the changes that he wants to make in me.

Since i have arrived here, one of the most heartbreaking realities i have witnessed is the disunity of Christ´s followers. Being here has shown me how often i forget that it is God´s will that “all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same judgment” (1 Corinthians 1:10). When Paul writes about these divisions, he criticizes the “quarreling” that is among God´s followers when they subscribe to the teaching of Paul, Apollos, or Cephas.

“What then, is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but GOD gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are ONE, and each will recieve his wages according to his labor. For we are God´s fellow workers. You are God´s field, God´s building.” (1 Corinthians 3:5-9)

When i read those verses, i can´t help but wonder if today´s Christians are even more divided than those within Corinth at the time of Paul´s letter. We´ve got Baptists and Methodists, Anglicans and Lutherans, Presbyterians and Episcopalians; we´ve got Catholics and Protestants, Evangelicals and Emergents, Pentacostals and Orthodox; we´ve got liberals and conservatives, democrats and republicans – all of which we declare our allegiance to before we declare our allegiance to Christ, the head of the body, which is the Church. He is the chosen lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, and it is only because of him that we can experience true life as God created it. Why then, do we say, “i´m Evangelical,” or “i´m Baptist,” or “i´m Catholic,” before we say, “i follow the living God, Jesus Christ”? Our allegiance is NOT to a denomination, a group of people, or a doctrine – it is to God through Christ in the fellowship of the Spirit. When Jesus says, “Follow me,” did he really mean we should follow the doctrine of the Evangelicals, or the Catholics, or the Presbyterians? Or could he have simply meant, “Follow me, Jesus”?

The reason i write all of this is because this issue has been amplified in my life over the past eight months. The differences between Catholics and Protestants, Petacostals and Baptists, and liberals and conservatives have been impossible for me to evade, because the people here are so conscious of those differences. For a devout Catholic here, it would be a grave sin for a non-Catholic to take the sacraments. For an Evangelical here, anyone who is associated with Catholic work is in deep sin. i want to be clear here: my point is not that either of these is or isn´t a sin. My point is that, in the midst of all our quarrelling and passionate allegiances to doctrines and people-groups, we often lose sight of the reason for our passion: Christ, whose words were, “Abide in me.” This, i believe to be a problem in Ecuador that needs much prayer. But more than that, i believe it to be a problem for the Church as a whole that requires us all to examine the doctrines that we have allied with and honestly ask ourselves: “Is my primary allegiance with christ? Am i able to say with all my heart that i follow Christ, and can i leave it at that without having to clarify a line of doctrine that i subscribe to? Do i trust God´s doctrine over the doctrine of my denomination or group of christians? Am i fully surrendered to the truth of christ, or have i just surrendered to the way of thinking of a group of people?” In asking these questions, i pray that we will be pushed closer to God, and that some of the deep divisions in the church can begin to heal. When we realize that those who confess Jesus as Lord all have the same head, we remember that the eye cannot say to the hand, “i have no need of you.” No, all parts of the body are indispensable.

 

Not really knowing where i stand denominationally has been really hard to clarify to Ecuadorians, who often want to know what i am: Catolico o Evangelico? i´d rather answer with who i am: a redeemed sinner who follows the savior, Jesus Christ. i´ve had many painful conversations with people who believe me to be doing wrong in associating with Catholics, going to mass, and serving in the music and youth ministries here. Likewise, i´ve been told by generally-less-hostile Catholics that i must not recieve communion, that i must pray to Mary, and that it would be better to be Catholic than to just “seguir a Jesus” (follow Jesus). These experiences have inevitably showed me that all of us – myself included – are inclined to think that we are right and anyone who thinks differently is wrong. This is precisely why God has us surrender to him. He is right, we are wrong; we must deny ourselves, and confess this fact to be true. Then we must pick up our cross and experience the heavy cup of Christ as we follow him, as he defines the way.

In February, Rostro de Cristo had our second reatreat of the year, and God met me in one of the most powerful ways i have ever experienced him. i met two very important figures on that trip: an awesome woman named Colie who led our retreat, and a Korean Priest who spoke Spanish and was obsessed with the Ecumenical movement (which strives for unity across all denominations). On the last day of the retreat, the Rostro Volunteers had mass together. This Korean priest led the mass, and i had no idea how instrumental this would be to my experience with God that morning. Here´s my journal entry as i reflected back on that morning:

“Colie and i had also talked about communion the night before. A story she told me about a girl who was unafraid to offend the religious officials of the Catholic Church in pursuit of truth showed me that i need not be afraid to take communion when God calls, for the reality is that i have communion with tim, and the divisions that exist in the Church cannot separate me from his love (Romans 8). So that morning, the scripture in mass was first from Leviticus. It was a passage about the way that lepers were to be declared unclean, and how far their sickness set the from God. In that moment, i realized just how far my sickness had set me apart from God – that the lepers´ physical sickness was my sickness of sin. i was nervous and broken at the same time and then God brought the Gospel Reading: where Jesus heals the leper because, as he says, “I will. Be healed.” It was within God´s will to bring the sick to himself, even though they had to be formerly been rejected by the people of God. But he didn´t make them come to him to be healed; it was impossible for them to do so. He came to earth to heal and reconcile. i was smashed by the góspel in that moment, and the reality of the fact that i needed to recognize Christ´s work in my life of reconciling me, a non-Catholic sinner, to himself in front of a bunch of catholics by recieving communion from this ecumenical Priest – that conviction set in. And i broke. i was crying, and i couldn´t lead the music i was supposed to be leading. And God told me in my weakness to sing a specific song – Carried to the Table – after recieving communion. It was a song i didn´t even know all the words to, but i knew i had to sing it, for He was telling me to. i fought my shame of blatant disregard for the rules and policies of the Catholic church with the conviction that God called me and carried me to that table that morning. i was merely swept away by his love… there was nothing i did to get to that table – there was no way around it. My power was not enough to resist God, nor was the power of the rules of the Catholic church. God won, he beat me. He beat the Catholic rules. And i sung, after recieving through my tears the literal body and blood of Jesus Christ for the first time in over six months. How hungry i had been for him! i had forgotten. My tears came like a waterfall, and Mandi was next to me as i sung terribly in tears, but with all my heart. i messed up the lyrics. i didn´t know all the notes or all the chords. But God was loving me so fully, so warmly, that i couldn´t stop. And that song became my justification to all around me – Jesus became my justification through the words of that song – that i was in communion with God, the living God, the true God, the God of the Bible, the Isrealites, and of the Catholic Church (the universal church). Thank you Lord, for your body and blood. Thank you for carrying me.”

 It was a sweet way to see the Lord meet me across the scars that the Church bears in regards to its divisions. Such hope for unity as the Lord preached to me that morning i had never experienced. So i´ll close with the words of that song, because he carries us to HIS table, the table that is better than any one denomination´s table; the table that brings all people together in the name, way, truth, and life of Jesus.

2 months ago  Notes (6)

The Oratory

Recently, we got to take some pictures at my worksite, and i was thrilled because it can be dangerous to bring a camera into Bastion. Here’s some images to help you all visualize the amazing kids i work with, and the fun we get to have together, through the struggles and the successes.

The oratory, from the street.

Michelle, 5 years old.

Leonela working on homework with a recent retreatant, Allison.

Teaching the kids “Heads Up Seven Up”.

Breyner, 9 years old.

Playing an Ecuadorian icebreaker, “Pina Naranja”, with Justin, 7 years old.

Kevin, a soccer fiend, 12 years old.

Swingin’ crazy with Nayelli and Maria.

Pedro, 11 years old, and the sector of Bastion Popular.

4 months ago  Notes (2)

the sweet works of Jesus.

Jesus rocks. That truly is the bottom line. I’m finding myself with eyes that are more open to see his power, his hands moving, and his face and how beautiful God really is. Boom! Glory! I pray that this entry will give you a little sense of how sweet Jesus really is.

 Time here is impossible to keep track of. The last month or two has flown by, the rollercoaster continuing, but it seems that I’m getting used to all of the careening that’s been going on. Through it all God has been who he is: faithful and forever gracious. One of the most impactful ways that I have seen this recently is in his faithfulness to answer prayer, specifically at the after-school program in Bastion Popular. I can’t accurately describe the passion with which so many friends and family emailed me to tell me they were praying that the Oratory wouldn’t close. For awhile, I was so caught up in the situation itself that I became focused on my own faithfulness to pray for the kids and the situation, forgetting that God was working through the prayers of those back home in power as well. As we passed the date that we were supposed to make the decision of whether to keep the oratory open, the leaders in charge of such a decision never showed up. For two weeks, we heard nothing about the fate of the oratory. Finally, when they did show up, they failed to mention that the fate of the oratory was to be decided and they just ended up participating in our daily activities. It’s crazy how God can push us to improve, grow, and change and then turn around to remind us that he is gracious after the whole process has ended. I initially had the perspective that would have said, “Wow, we’ve been so lucky that the priest in charge of the oratories forgot his promise to review the oratory after one month.” However, God made me realize that this was a faithless way of viewing all of the prayers of those in the U.S. and my own prayers. My perspective was basically undermining the power of prayer, saying that prayer didn’t really affect things; what really determined the fate of the oratory was the chance that this priest would forget about us. It was a good reminder that God is sovereign. We are so blessed to have a God who is also faithful. How good is he?! By HIS power through our prayers was this oratory kept open! He loves to see his children turn to him, seeking him earnestly in prayer. Thank you for your faith-filled prayers of power.

I feel a bit like a broken record writing this next part, but I guess I really just need to learn a lesson about kids and faith because over and over again, they have been blowing me away here. About a month ago, I had an amazing experience with Alexis, a boy who lives down my street. He’s three or four years old and one day, I walked by this house to ask him if he wanted to play later in the week. He lit up and we set a time. When the day came, I ended up being a little late to hang out with him. I wasn’t sure if he’d still be waiting. I went to his door and said, “A ver!” to see if anyone was home. His mom saw me, greeted me and called Alexis. His head popped around the corner, and his face lit up once again as he yelled, “Pelota!”He dashed to the door after getting his ball and we went out to the street, kicking it. He asked me if we could go to the cancha, the dirt soccer field, behind his house. We went and he ran as fast as his little legs could take him, laughing in excitement and joy. He went tearing onto the field, kicking the ball as I pursued him at a slow jog, chuckling. Within seconds I was struck by his laughter: it never stopped. We would run as he kicked the ball and I ran after him, but the whole time he would laugh… constantly. He laughed and laughed gasping for air, but full of joy the entire time. It was beautiful the way he just delighted in his new relationship with me. I was tearing up as he laughed because I realized that God was showing me how he wanted me to delight in him, his kingdom, and his presence. In this moment, I knew that my childlike delight in the Lord needed some work, but that God was going gracious to reveal to me what childlike delight truly looks like.

Within our RdC community, the six Mount Sinai volunteers have been inspired to be a little scandalous with our monthly stipend. We’ve decided to be somewhat… communistic… with our money. There were many various motivations, but for me, the primary reason to pool all of our monthly stipends together into one big pot is found in Acts 4:32-35:

“Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.”

Our stipends aren’t very much money, even when pooled together, but the heart of this passage, I believe, is at the beginning: the believers were of ONE heart and ONE soul. This results in them having everything in common. The unity of Christ brings a desire to be one in all things, whether spiritual or material or financial. It has been so sweet to seek our house of six come together, sacrificing our own desires for those ones in the house who have greater need at different times throughout the year. We are forced to trust each other with the pot of money – that no one will take more than they need. We are also forced to trust each other in the ways that they spend money; that each thing each person buys is necessary for that person’s well-being. Because this was a decision that all of us agreed to, we have begun to see money as less important in our lives, and relationships as most important. When our lives have been transformed by Christ, the natural outflow of his love is to desire oneness for all of those in his body. I am experiencing this to be true.

God has also placed a recent passion on my heart to have eyes for the poor among the poor. When I first arrived, I thought that the people here in Sinai were poor in relation to the people in the U.S. This was true, but I didn’t realized that even here there is relative poverty. In particular, Jesus has brought to mind his teachings on the “least of these”. Even here, there are those who are outcast: the equivalents of the lepers, tax collectors, sinners, and prostitutes that Jesus so frequently hung out with. These are the people that God is opening my eyes to. Sometimes, they’re sick. Sometimes, they’re beggars. Sometimes, they struggle with addiction. Sometimes, their family is broken. Sometimes, they’re just extremely poor. In all of these people, Jesus has been reminding me of his words, “As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” We can serve Jesus in person when we have eyes that are willing to meet those eyes that we try so hard to avoid. We can serve Jesus in person when we have mouths that are willing to speak encouragement to those whom we hardly have hope for. We can serve Jesus in person when we have ears willing to listen to words of a broken life that is full of pain and heartache.

It rained just a few days ago for the first time since we’ve been in Ecuador. The peace that came with the rain was so foreign: the dust no longer rose with every hard step you took, but the ground was soft and silent. I found rest in the rain the other day, and forgot how thirsty this land and these people are until I saw the impact a little water can have on a community. There was freshness in the air – and it spread into the hearts of the people.

Pray for the deepest, most necessary thirsts that people have here to be quenched by the living water that Jesus is. His grace is sufficient for us all – more than sufficient. For in him, we have been born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading and is kept in heaven for us. Pray for healing here in the lives of the least of these. Pray for continued unity and oneness in our RdC Sinai house. Pray for childlike delight in the Lord in my life, and in the lives of all who believe in Jesus. Praise God for his power to answer the prayers of his people who deeply yearn to see him move with healing and goodness in this world. We need God and his love so desperately, and he is so willing to give it! Worship him for the power and hope that comes in the resurrection, for now sin has lost its power and death has lost its sting. We now rejoice in the beauty of Christ, the mystery of being filled by a holy Spirit of God, and the profundity of being loved by the God of creation.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and Dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure – then, from thee much more must flow;

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.

Thou’rt slave to fate, chance, kings and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;

A poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,

And better than thy stroke. Why swell’st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die.

                                                     - John Donne

6 months ago  Notes (3)

A flurry of ups and downs.

The last few weeks seem like a whirlwind of ups and downs – it´s like the first time you ride a rollercoaster, only this rollercoaster is underfround so you can´t even see what´s coming up next: a turn, a loop, a corkscrew, a drop, or an incline. I feel like i´ve been experiencing all of those types of track recently. It was just three weeks ago that i was playing drums at a venue for about 500 people with a band i had met just days before that. A few days later i was hearing some of the extremely rough backgrounds that the kids at my worksite come from – i was overwhelmed by the struggle of each day of these children´s lives, each of whom i love dearly. Some days i´m singing spontaneous songs like, “Vamos a bailar! Si! Si! Si! Si! Si!” or what the Bastion kids call “El Triste” which is basically me playing minor chords on a guitar and improvsing Spanish lyrics about “Sad Mateo,” the extremely depressed version of myself… they get a kick out of that one, and I enjoy seeing them laugh. Some days I´m hanging out with borachos, and other days i´m witnessing poverty that I can barely believe is real. One day found me weeping alone in the back of a bus as I had just witnessed a man who was permanently bent forward at the waist crawl onto the bus – i realized that no matter how much I try to do here, the greatest need of the people of Ecuador is the Salvation that God´s power and sovereignty alone can bring.

The day that has been most prominent in my mind, however, was just over two weeks ago, when I found out that the oratory that I am working at where kids come daily for help with homework was closing. This oratory is, for many of these kids, the best part of their day, because it allows them to leave their hard family backgrounds, their challenging educational settings, and their broken pasts so that they can come to be given to, invested in, encouraged, loved, and helped. The oratory helps kids here to be kids. Needless to say, the news of its impending closure hit me hard. I went home and prayed – hard.

My heart was broken for these kids and so the next day, with Matthew 18:10-14 in mind (the Parable of the Lost Sheep), I went to the woman managing the oratory and attempted (in Spanish) to clarify why this place was closing. It was one of th hardest bust most radical conversations in my life. God truly prepares our way before us. I´m not even sure what I said to her, but at one point, we were both in tears as she repeated, “You have so much hope for these kids.” What God had put on my heart was that these kids were the lost sheep that Jesus seeks to find, and – if we´re living as Christ – we should give as much as we can to these kids and rejoice over every step of progress they make. Furthermore, we need to only do things if we are CERTAIN that they are within the will of our Father in heaven.

To sum up, eventually, the priest of the oratory came into our conversation and told me that I had one month to get 40 kids to the oratory daily (at the time, we were having 12 or so daily) and to help the kids improve their behavior significantly in regard to discipline, structure, and obedience (three things that aren´t exactly my strengths when it comes to enforcement).

Maybe it would be good to paint you all a picture of a typical day at this oratory, for the sake of understanding the feat that this posed. We begin the day with prayer and songs. A note prior to that, though: Ecuadorians aren´t exactly the most punctual people (and by that I mean to explain that the people who are supposed to be helping me aren´t exactly the most punctual people). Don´t get me wrong, they´re extremely responsible, very hard workers, and respect others highly. Punctuality just isn´t the Ecuadorian way. I know this might be hard to believe, but as a result of this, i often find myself experiencing the strange phenomenon of being “on-time”. I end up starting our prayers alone, leading songs alone, and starting our homework help alone – in Spanish. Needless to say, saying prayers in Spanish, leading songs i don´t even know the melodies or guitar chords to in Spanish, and helping kids who don´t understand the words “Mas despacio por favor” alone has been a great leap of faith for me. God´s been good throughout it all at helping me laugh at myself when things get really awkward (which is everyday). About the kids: they´re great. I really wanted to take pictures of them all and pst them on this blog, but taking a camera into one of the sketchiest neighborhoods in Ecuador isn´t the best idea… for now… there is just so much personality in each one of their beautiful faces. Some of them are ridiculous – wild, crazy, loud, passionate, and deeply loving. Others i still haven´t heard say a single word.

Chairs are their favorite things to use, whether the kids are throwing them, fighting with them, drawing on them, or breaking them, chairs are an all-purpose device for fun and games. There´s a different concept of danger here with these kids. Jus last week, i was trying to break up a fight where two 12 year-old boys had chairs above their heads and were sparring with them, and i looked across the room where some other kids were laughing and pointing up at the roof. I had a bad feeling about the whole roof situation (at least, a worse feeling than with the chair-brawlers), so i left the sparring match to look up at the third-story roof where a kid had somehow decided that he would have more fun on the roof running and jumping around rather than working on his math homework. I´ll be honest, the kid in me doesn´t blame him. But the adult in me was yelling (translation), “Danger! Danger! Caution! Caution! To go down! To go down!” Obviously, my brain doesn´t think so well in Spanish when I´m flustered. But he got the message and came down, by the grace of God.

All this goes tos ay a few things: (1) Rejoice with me because the oratory is still open for two more weeks, and more structure is gradually appearing. (2) Pray for the kids of the oratory, that they would desire to learn, and that God would use me and the other helpers to show them that learning is fun. (3) Pray for more kids to come to the oratory, so that a community of love, faith, hope, and learning can be fostered – something that few of these kids know or have ever experienced. We currently have dipped back down in our numbers and have only had twelve  kids for the last two days due to some rumors of men stealing children and murdering them so they can steal organs and sell them. Pray that the truth behind these rumors (which have been confirmed by the press to only be rumors) would be revealed so that kids can come back to the oratory before the priest checks in to see if we have 40 kids who behave somewhat well. (4) Pray for widsom, patience, Godly love, and effective spanish skills as i go to be with these kids each day.

God is good, even when life is crazy. When you have no idea what to do, he fills your heart with his love, your mouth with his words, and your mind with his thoughts. Just ask him.

8 months ago  Notes (1)

"íf i´m crazy, it´s because i refuse to be crazy in the way the world has gone crazy."

Peter Mauvin

8 months ago  Notes (0)

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Jim Elliot

8 months ago  Notes (2)

a church - a church of kids.

The past few weeks in Ecuador have seemed like on long whirlwind consisting of my experience of some of the deepest inadequacy i have ever felt. Not only is everthing new, but it usually feels like many of the things i´m good at aren´t of much use down here. My passion for worship, prayer, and intimacy with God are all foiled by the fact that my Rostro community and the Ecuadorian community around me all do things so much differently. My musical gifts seem to be rendered useless at times, because people just like different music here. My preparation at UCSB hasn´t been too much help seeing as I can´t speak about philosophy or psychology at length in Spanish - which brings me to the fact that even my Spanish preparation, small as it was, is being challenged by the different accents and cultural sayings and linguistic tendencies. All too often, my strengths seem diminished and my weaknesses seem amplified.

But isn´t this exactly like God? To use the weak to shame the strong? To use the young to instruct the old, the powerless to bring to nothing the powerful, the foolish to teach the wise, the poor to humble the rich?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when i am weak, then i am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Shane Claiborne, in Jesus for President, writes:

The great paradox and humor of God´s audacious power: a stuttering prophet will be the voice of God, a barren old lady will become the mother of a nation, a shepherd boy will become their king, and a homeless baby will lead them home.

God has been showing me that my inadequacies not only allow me to share in the story of countless followers of God through the ages being used beyond their means by him, but they allow Christ´s power to be fully present in me, for none of me continues to live, but he lives in me. When i am empty, i can be filled with God. He gets the glory for every success that this body of his performs - no questions asked. This is the gospel of Jesus Christ in me: i was not adequate to succeed, yet his power in me brought success by his endless, abounding grace.

Even Christ, the “Savior of the world,” the awaited King of Glory, was humbled. Born into a time of genocide, god was born as a screaming, helpless, pooping baby, totally dependent on his mother for life. And as an adult, what did Jesus say about kids as he gathered them to himself? “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3-4). A.k.a. KIDS are the most prepared for the kingdom of heaven.

These are strange words to hear for a generation focused so much on growing up, getting a jov, and succeeding. How secure do we feel when Jesus basically calls out those of us climbing the ladder, building towers to God, by smashing our towers and breaking the ladder? Humility is a rough process to say the least.

i recently had an experience that illustrates Jesus´ words well. i was at a mass at a small church near our house in Mount Sinai, Ecuador. As i walked into the church grounds, i was overwhelmed with what i saw: kids. Everywhere. Running all over the place, playing games, laughing, and, most frequently, charging straight at us, the Rostro de Cristo Volunteers full speed to give us… hugs. Where were all the adults? I figured they were either on their way to church, or they were all in the sanctuary, waiting quietly. Maybe this was just normal. However, the santuary, too, was packed with kids. As the mass began, disorganization continued, chaos ensued, tone-deaf kids in the choir began to sing, and a woman was up front leading the mass. There was no priest. Two 23 year-old volunteers gave the homily. The rest of us just assumed the role of being white folks who had no idea what was going on, but got excited whenever the music started up because we could clap. i later found out the priest who was supposed to be there was raising funds in Ireland and couldn´t even speak Spanish when he was here in Ecuador. SCANDAL, huh?

This situation would not only frustrate so many Christians, but it would be straight up blasphemous! However, in the midst of all this chaos, confusion, and seemingly meaningsless noise, i think all of us can find the true church living out its intended function. i later wondered why this was so many of my fellow volunteers´ favorite moment in Ecuador so far, but now i realize that the Holy Spirit was present with us there in the chaos, because no one had the pride to think they knew what was going on.

In the midst of the confusion of that mass, God spoke to me, telling me, “I´m prepareing a church - a church of kids - who is dedicated bo becoming MY fellowship: a community according to my standards of community, not their own.” Powerful words. A church - a church of kids. How could kids be the church? How could kids RUN the church?

It´s interesting that “kids” refers to both children and young sheep. The reality is that we ARE a church of kids, in both senses of the word - we don´t have the ability to run God´s church, or even our own concept of church for that matter. We are desperately dependent on the Shepherd of kids to guide us, feed us, and hold us together. Some of us simply just aren´t willing to be who we really are: sheep. In fact, young, helpless sheep: kids. Let us pray for humility, seek humility, and rejoice in those situations in which we are given the opportunity to be humbled. This may feel to us like inadequacy, but in reality, we are experiencing communion with Jesus Christ, born as a child, in these moments.

9 months ago  Notes (3)

Be. With.

These two words have permeated my entire experience at orientation so far here in Boston. Rostro de Cristo is all about the incarnation of Christ:

Have this in mind among yourselves, which is your in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

-Philippians 2:5-11

Living as Christ did in this way is the aim of the RdC volunteer. The vision and mission of Rostro de Cristo is as follows:

- Foster mutual evangelization in the Catholic tradition through a shared discovery of faith.

- Transform the world based on the Gospel by promoting understanding, justice, and appropriate development.

- Inspire life-long commitments to service, social justice and solidarity in the Global community.

- Work with the Ecuadorian people to find long-term solutions to the problems of poverty and together seek opportunities to improve the lives of the people.

- Be in relationship with the Ecuadorian people and reflect on the face of Christ in their joys and sorrows.

God has been highlighting the words “Be” and “With” for me for the past week at orientation. He is showing me once again that my time in Ecuador will not be about DOing but about BEing. For being, intangible as it is, is what God did for us. It is the heart of the Gospel, it is relationship. Jesus BEcame human and gave all for love. From this, we experience him as Immanuel, “God with us.” Therefore, i am realizing that in Ecuador, my call with be to be with. To experience with. To learn with. To grow in the Lord with others in Ecuador, instead of looking down on them. I go not only to make change but to be changed. I go not to bring Christ to them, but to encounter Christ with them. What a blessing. Thank you God for giving all!

10 months ago  Notes (1)

Off to Boston!

What a summer it has been! So grateful for the peace that God alone can bring. I’ve felt so much total excitement over the past three weeks in preparation for leaving to Ecuador. God’s been teaching me so much about the power of prayer, the need to meet with him in prayer, and the gift of the Holy Spirit as our counselor. Through the Spirit we are empowered to live lives AS Jesus! What a reality! For broken and messed up humans to exhibit true goodness, supernatural love, and great joy! I am so grateful for his grace and for the good news of Christ. 

So what now? I’ll be spending the next two weeks in Boston at orientation with (possibly) hundreds of other young college graduates who are being sent all over the world through the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC). Rostro de Cristo isn’t directly a part of JVC, but we work closely with them during orientation in Boston. However, from this point on, even though I’ll be in the US for two more weeks, I won’t have a computer or a cell phone - I’ll only have what i have packed for Ecuador: a suitcase, a guitar, and a backpack (most of which is filled with clothes and books). The simplicity is feeling nice, though. One year with so much less than i normally have has already been eye-opening in the sense that I’ve realized how much I have that I don’t truly need. 

If i could ask for prayer, it would first be about my biggest insecurity at this point: my Spanish skills. Although I’m totally stoked to go to Ecuador and get to know and be a part of a totally different culture, my Spanish skills are the one thing that is glaring me in the eyes… Just pray that I’ll be diligent in my study of Spanish, and that I won’t hesitate to plunge headfirst into the Ecuadorian culture. I want to be able to talk to and relate to the Ecuadorian people as soon as possible so that I can show love to them in whatever ways they best receive it. Also, prayer for the unity of our team would be great - that God would bond us together with him as the center and with his love present among our fellowship. Thanks so much for your prayers!

10 months ago  Notes (0)